Quandary of an Ordinary Guy

Quandary of an Ordinary Guy

As a man, I used to think I was a regular person, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist and responsible for slavery

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist because I plan ahead and support myself.

I went to High School, worked through college, got a degree and have held a job, but in the eyes of many today, I am not where I am because I earned it, but because I was advantaged.

I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobe.

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

I am not a Muslim, which now labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which makes me a member of the vast NRA gun lobby.

I am older than 65 and retired, making me a useless old man who doesn't understand Facebook.

I think and I reason, so I doubt what main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, making me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family, so I appreciate the police and the legal system, making me a right-wing, cop loving extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I believe our system guarantees freedom of effort - not freedom of outcome or subsidies which must make me a borderline sociopath.

I believe in the defense and protection of America for and by all citizens, now making me a militant.

I am proud of our flag, what it stands for, and grateful to the many who died to let it fly. I stand and salute during our National Anthem, taking me back where I started - I must be a racist.

Please help me come to terms with the new me because I'm just not sure who I am anymore!

I thank my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, newfound changes to my thinking!

I just can't imagine or understand what's happened to me so quickly! Funny - it all took place over the last 7 or 8 years!

If all this nonsense wasn't enough to deal with, now I don't even know which restroom to use.