Raising Daughters

January 16

Raising Daughters Anonymous

I have two teenage daughters, so it was with some interest that I read a recent article entitled “Application to Date My Daughter.”

It was pretty funny, playing on the idea of the stereotypical shotgun-toting father and the mortified daughter as they negotiate the tricky terrain of a first date. Then Christian bloggers grabbed the concept, and for the most part, these versions were funny, too. There were some common themes: slouchy-panted unemployed suitors, dads breathing out Chuck Norris-inspired threats.

But, let’s talk strategy. You need a better plan than low-level intimidation techniques. After all, she’s your daughter. So let’s talk frankly about what you need to do to guard her interests when it comes to dating. Instead of brandishing a shotgun or breaking out an application, you need to build a wall.

That’s right, you heard me—build a wall. Go all “Rapunzel.” Build it so high that only the strongest of suitors can scale it. But don’t wait until your baby girl is a teenager—start now. Start yesterday. There’s no time to waste.

Build a Wall

In Song of Solomon 8:8–9 we hear a family’s hope that their young sister will grow into a woman of strength and dignity. Can you guess what metaphor they use to describe that kind of woman?

A wall.

Their sister assures them in verse 10 that she is indeed a wall, complete with towers. Her statement indicates assurance that she is not only strong, but also able to defend herself against any unworthy suitors. That’s what you want—you want a wall.

You might want to worry less about terrorizing or retro-fitting prospective suitors and focus more on preparing your daughter to choose wisely.

And that means building a wall.

Instead of intimidating all your daughter’s potential suitors, raise a daughter who intimidates them just fine on her own. Because you know what’s intimidating?

Strength and dignity.

Deep faith.

Self-assuredness.

Wisdom.

Kindness.

Humility.

Industriousness.

Those are the bricks that build the wall that withstands the advances of Slouchy-Pants, The unsuitable suitor finds nothing more terrifying than a woman who knows her worth to God and to her family.

To become that strong woman, she needs you to invest in her character—now.

Take a seat at a tea party. T

each her how to change a flat and start the mower.

Discuss politics and economics and theology.

Compliment a new outfit or an A in math.

Tell her you think she is absolutely beautiful.

Kneel at a pink chenille bedside and pray your guts out.

Raise a daughter with a fully loaded heart and mind—loaded with spiritual truth, Biblical wisdom and an abounding amount of self-worth that you have invested in her. Then her strength and dignity will guide her to make right choices of the friends and suitors she allows into her life.

Resolve to settle for nothing less of yourself than to provide the best protection for your daughter. Resolve to be the kind of man you want her to bring home. Resolve to build a wall.

“What shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for? If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver. . .” (Song of Solomon 8:8–9).